Just incase you love somebody like me...

 

And yeah, what do I mean by that exactly? I am talking about something that I am not very proud, or at least I used to not be very proud to admit... This is for you incase you love somebody with anxiety, or maybe you have anxiety and you haven't found the words for it... I would say anxiety consumed a large part of my life - I can vividly remember not playing on the play ground as a child so I could watch to see if my mom dropped my brother off at preschool (which was in the same building), if I missed her or the bell rang early my mind would explode - did she forget, did they get in an accident, are they okay, is someone sick, and even "will I ever see them again?" I was a bright child, but so distracted to the point of awkwardness, I was bullied and misunderstood - but I was so worried about everything that I didn't even notice how isolated I made myself... As I grew up, I managed to control it, most of the time - there were still frantic moments, calls to mom, and sleepless nights...  Today I feel as though my anxiety is in check, but it is still that voice in the back of my head - sometimes quiet, sometimes loud - but always there... I have accepted it will always be there, and controlling it is key, even as an almost 30 year old adult, I feel misunderstood - and there are just a few things I wanted to try to put into words about loving somebody with anxiety....

Probably my #1 symptom - Exhaustion...

Imagine being in a hyper-tense state, with an unsettled mind, racing thoughts. I kinda relate it to a hectic day at work - sick patients, doctors barking orders, million phone calls, tons of tasks and at the end of the shift you are simply exhausted - that is what every day of anxiety feels like... I often joke that I am tired before I even get up - blame it on night shift, or having young kids, but deep down I know it is because my mind NEVER shuts up.

Really - I tried to listen....

Oh man, this has gotten me into so much trouble - forgetfulness... luckily I haven't lost my kids - but just about everything else has been lost at one point or another - keys, phones, pictures, money, bank cards, where I parked my car, I could really go on for hours, but you get the point ;) I can't tell you how many times I have forgotten a date, conversation or something someone told me. It can actually freak me out, because I honestly have no clue. I'm trying to listen and be present, but my overactive mind wanders.

The straw that broke my back...

If you love someone like me, we get easily overwhelmed - our minds are already in overdrive, add too many things to our to do list and even though the tasks are simple; it can spin us out of control... Even just when Dan walks in the door and he is talking loud, then turns the TV on and slams things down on the counter, just that can make my heart start to race - I know it seems silly, even as I type it I realize it sounds silly; but it is our reality. Don't even get me started on going to the mall during Christmas time - the lights, the rude people, the noise - oh man!

 

And we get it...

We know this is silly at times - we get it - its irrational.. and I don't need you to tell me I am being "irrational", I know it... enough said

Change, even good change is too much change...

New job, moving, even a new lipstick shade can be too much change - we love our comfort zone... thinking about vacation might actually be too much change for some people like me - but I can promise you, we are trying!

I'm here in person...

But I'm not always present - this was something that was so important for me to change, because I really wanted to learn how to be present in my girls lives... It's kinda like when you drive somewhere and you get to your location and you can't remember how you got there - sometimes I would go places, talk to people and come home and totally have no idea what we talked about, because I wasn't present... I was too busy overthinking or worrying... Sucks, right?

But thank you, thank you for loving us - we are not the easiest people to love... Overcoming daily
anxiety is one of my proudest accomplishments, I finally could live a little more... I do believe, exercise was my saving grace - the mental clarity I needed, the confidence I lacked, the me time I never had... Without a doubt fitness changed my life - the positive environment, fueling my body correctly and support of my coaches, peers, and now my challengers...

Maybe you are somebody like me, maybe you love somebody like me, or maybe you just think you would benefit from a healthy and fit lifestyle - my support groups are forming now, and I can't wait to see you there xo

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Mission - Share, Motivate, Inspire

This is the story, I told myself that I would never tell. Until I realized, it wasn’t just my story - this is the story of millions of women and moms; and this is just my version.

 My daughter Kate was born in late January of 2014. She was my miracle baby, the baby we hoped for for over a year. So when I had her, I expected to feel this deep connection, because I had longed for her all that time. But I didn’t have it. My friends would come and visit and say “I told you that you could love another baby like your first” and I would fake smile and nod, immediately sensing that something was wrong. Kate’s birth turned our world upside down. My 3.5 year old, Aubrey regressed - potty accidents, up all night, anger issues at school and behavior issues at home. Kate was difficult to nurse, resulting me having to take several rounds of antibiotics which she did not tolerate well. She stopped gaining weight, and ultimately I had to make the decision to stop nursing her. I felt like a failure. I would look in the mirror and say “what did I do?” and “I can’t do this.” Postpartum depression is a lonely, guilty place to be, I felt like I should be happy and I wanted to be - but I wasn’t.  

 

I was never one to ask for help, so I just continued to go through the motions. But I started to feel myself spiraling out of control - isolating, having anxiety attacks, not sleeping… I felt like my skin was crawling. After many weeks of sleepless nights due to anxiety, I went into my medicine basket, looking for benadryl to help me sleep when I stumbled upon the prescription narcotic pain reliever I was given after birth but never took. Being a nurse, I knew they would help me sleep. So I popped a few, and slept amazingly. The next day, I felt a little better - so I popped a few more at night. And I did this night after night…. I was talking to my friend, and I told her about my situation and that i was so relieved to be finally sleeping thanks to my little secret. My friend, Deb said “you know this isn’t normal. promise me you will get help.” Her words really spoke to me, and I decided I needed to see my PCP.  


I went to my doctor and we discussed the anxiety, depression and he never brought up my weight. But I could see on my chart that my BMI was 33. I was disguisted. I told him I felt like I needed to lose weight and that it would really help. He turned to me and said, “well good luck - you are not a spring chicken anymore and you have hypothroidism.” I was devistated - not even my dr believed in me! I left there feeling helpless and alone.  I was the girl who seemed unbreakable but I was broken. Everyone thought I was super mom with this perfect life, but every ounce of me was hurting.

The moment that changed everything… Aubrey was at preschool and I needed a dress for an upcoming event. In the dressing room, there was an angled full length mirror and while I was undressing I caught a glimpse of myself. All I could think is, “this can’t be” - I broke down and with tears streaming down my face, I studied my body… the stretch marks, the dark circles, the cellulite, double chin… and I said “you are disgusting, ugly and fat. I hate you” and I continued to sob.  I ended up waking Kate up, who was in her car seat. In the refelction of the mirror I could see her playing with her car seat toys and cooing. My flood of emotion quickly changed to anxiety - I realized I was killing myself in front of them. They were watching me self hate, self destruct and destroy myself every day. How could I teach them to be confident, vibrant, independent, happy girls when I couldn’t be? Finally, my Ah-Ha moment - I needed a hero, and I was going to be that hero.  
I collected myself, the whole way home I thought about how I would do this. Couldn’t go to a gym, too much time, no babysitter. Couldn’t run, lets face it Pittsburgh weather combined with two young kids - it would never last.  

My husband, got me in contact with my coach, Deidra. With knowing very little about the program, I went with T25 - because I could do anything for 25 minutes!  But honestly when I got the price of the challenge pack - I quickly backed out… but i thought about it constantly, until one day I thought “screw it, im not going to let 200$ get in the way of changing my life.” So I stole my husbands credit card and joined my first challenge. 

And so it began, I cried every workout because I knew how hard it was going to be. But I did it with the mindset that each day I would eat cleaner, modify less and push harder. I embraced my challenge group and shakeology. And as I invested in my wellness the weight, anxiety, and depression all started melting away. And as I shared my journey, I accidently fell into coaching. When I realized how many women probably felt like me, I continued my journey but now with a new motivation of helping others along the way and being accountable to them.  


It wasn’t always easy, but it was a way of life. As I looked in the mirror, I no longer felt ugly and disguisted - I started to feel proud and honored. After losing 30 pounds in 60 days with T25, I went on to do the 21 Day Fix, insanity max 30, a little more T25 and the 21 Day Fix extreme with a sprinkle of turbo fire, piyo and pump.  

Today, I am 8 pounds lighter than the day I got married and went from having a BMI of 33 to a BMI of 21! Which is pretty cool. But what is the best part of this whole journey is that my girls got their mom back and the role model they deserve. I went from taking 13 pills a day to just one. And my thyroid medication has not needed adjusted since I started this journey. I have been anti-anxiety and depression med free for 10 months. So yes, I lost 75 pounds and that is great but regaining my life is priceless and unbelievable. Without a doubt this journey changed the future of these girls and because of that, I am forever thankful.

So now I feel this is my mission to turn my mess into my message - all of the pain has brought me to this pivotal moment and a new passion to share my story - to inspire women that there is no situation that is too hopeless... my dream is to have a larger platform to inspire change and with the Beachbody Challenge, I have it! But I need your help to get me to LA to tell my story, I need your votes! From Monday October 26th to Monday November 2nd at 11:59 PT you can vote once in 24 hours! All you need to do is create a free account (HERE!) and then vote (HERE! for Erin T.) - please email me and let me know that you voted so I can personally thank you and offer you a spot in my 5 Day Free Clean Eating group to thank you for your support!

Super Saturday - October 2015

Super Saturday is a quarterly event where we, as coaches celebrate success and learn about what is coming up next and how to prepare for it. The last 2 Super Saturdays, I spent in Pittsburgh - but this time the girls and I road tripped to Chambersburg, PA to support my coach, Deidra, hosting her very first Super Saturday event!

I love Super Saturdays, learn about new products, training tips, motivation, inspiring stories and best 
yet meeting and socializing with the only people who know exactly how you feel - they understand the struggles and triumphs. This Super Saturday was very special, because not only was it the first ever in Chambersburg, but I was speaking - not just once, but twice! Public speaking, not really my thing and I thought about saying no a million times... I could come up with a million excuses, but how could I use my life to inspire others if I let fear get in the way? I practiced, and practiced - but I couldn't do it - I never made it through once without breaking down... one day, I put the note cards away and gave it to God...

This was the first Super Saturday event for my girls as well, and although it wasn't an ideal situation, they had a blast - they are my why, they are part of my journey and they are a reason to keep pushing forward... I hope one day they will be inspired by what I overcame to be present in their lives and the best mom I could be to them...


Kate on stage, and Aubrey asking to use the bathroom
while I spoke - gotta love Mom Life!

I shared my transformation story, for the first time - uncensored... I spoke about my struggles with

postpartum depression, hypothyroidism, confidence and finally how I lost 75 pounds.... I received a lot of feedback, and appreciation for sharing my story - and I am working on a little project to finally share my struggles publicly, which I will share with everyone some day soon! It is uncomfortable to talk about, but I know this is my purpose.. to spread awareness and hope - to inspire change....

I also had to the opportunity to do a training piece on Shakeology.. I am passionate about nutritional therapy and the power of food... I shared my love of Shakeology, why it is important for your health and business - more trainings to come!







We followed up with a live Cize workout, with the fabulous Alisha Smith as our instructor! The girls and I danced our hearts out!

 

Blessed to have this opportunity that understands that we regular people - just a couple of moms, who decided to go for it



Clean Snacks



Shakeology Bar - of course!



My coach, Trisha and I - great to see her!

 

We joined the team for a little hibachi (so fun, it was the girls first time and they loved it - not the food but the experience!). After lunch, we let our Beachbody babies have some fun swimming and bonding while we did some girl talk and masterminding....

The bond that we have as coaches and friends is undeniable - we are family... we push each other, support each other, learn from each other, love each other... I feel blessed to have taken this leap of faith, which seemed crazy and impossible at the time.. if you are someone who is ready to make a change in your life and build a business based on helping others, then please fill out my application for an exclusive spot in my next new coach training group for the best start to your business!

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